Daybreak. Sevilla.
The
noise of a door slamming woke me. I had fallen into a deep sleep having tossed
and turned all night. I am leaving to walk the Camino to Santiago today and
every time my eyes had closed either anxiety or excitement prodded me awake. My
rucksack stood against the wall. I looked at it wondering if I should unpack
and repack it again to see if there was anything I had missed or anything that
could be left out. I laughed to myself. I’d done that a dozen times already. As
I reached into the wardrobe to get the clothes I would wear I caught sight of
the black robe hanging there. Memories.
This was what I wore as a Nazareno in one of
the many processions in Seville during Holy Week. I had worn it proudly even
although some of my friends taunted me that the tall hat made me look like a
member of the Klu Klux Klan. I was proud to belong to the Hermandad de la
Macarena, the brotherhood or confraternity which each year prepares and then
carries the statue of the Virgin Mary called the Macarena through the crowded
streets of Seville. There are 55 brotherhoods in the city and they carry over
100 pasos which are platforms with statues or scenes from Holy Week. This is
the week when the Church remembers the events of Christ’s passion, death and
resurrection. Some of the brotherhoods date as far back as the 13th Century.
The processions of Holy Week are a long held tradition. It starts today. Excited as I am about my Camino I have also
felt the build up in the town over the last few days. Over 1 million visitors
occupy every available bed and cram the streets. Every day there are
processions leading up to Holy Thursday when La Madrugá begins. This is 24
hours of continuous processions to mark Good Friday the day of Christ’s death.
I was
born into the Hermandad de la Macarena. It is the most important of all of
them. The image of the Macarena is famous throughout Spain. My father, his
father and grandfather before him were all involved in the brotherhood. People
looked up to them. My dad had been the Capataz, the one who directs the paso
and gives orders to the costaleros, the dozens of fit young men who carry the
float on their shoulders. Often they are hidden underneath. I also performed
various roles myself as I was growing up. When I was learning the trumpet in
school I was in the band
which plays la marcha procesiónal as the paso moves on. I have also been a
monaguillo, an altar boy, and also a penitente. Penitentes wear somber robes to
symbolize that they are atoning for their sins. In some brotherhoods they walk
with their feet bare. Some others wear chains and manacles on their ankles.
The brotherhood meets during the year. The membership is only men. From time to time girls, usually students, have tried to join or even start their own sisterhood. They got nowhere. People just laughed.
Belonging to a brotherhood means learning the traditions. How things are done. There is a pecking order and families like ours who have been involved for generations are the most senior. Members of the brotherhoods each have a heavily embossed metal keyring which they hook over their trouser pockets. It is like a membership badge. Members drink together after meetings when the selection of who will do what next year is planned in meticulous detail.
The churches with pasos have a brotherhood and the local
priest is the chaplain. I remember when I was very young the priest came to
speak to us about our responsibility to keep the tradition of the brotherhood
going. He said we were especially blessed to be brothers together and that what
we did was important to God. My chest swelled with pride that year when I was
chosen to carry one of the incensarios which sent billows of incense into the
air. There were magical moments. We were processing through the narrow streets
of the barrio when there was a strange whispering through the crowd. Then they
fell to complete silence. From a balcony a man started singing a saeta, a
soulful ballad about the Vigin Mary’s suffering as she saw her son put to
death. Everyone was transfixed as his voice soared through the narrow streets.
As we set off again the capataz whispered in my ear that one day I would be the
Presidente of the Hermandad. I was happier than I ever remembered.
I don’t know when the change started to happen. I began to find brotherhood meetings boring. The arguments were petty. Debates about the colour of the ropes holding the canopy over the statue went on for weeks. The election of a new Presidente was like a general election. People took sides. There were rumours about the private lives of the likely candidates. Three of the older and most senior members approached me and asked if I would stand for election. I was flattered and I thought about it seriously. So seriously I decided to speak to a priest.
I hadn’t been to confession for many years. In fact apart from the one or two occasions when the Brotherhood went as a group I didn’t even go to church. In truth I wasn’t sure whether I even believed in God anymore and there were certainly things about the church I didn’t accept. As I waited at the door of the Cathedral for it to open a figure approached wearing a hat, a rucksack and carrying a stick. This was one of the pilgrims we see in Seville from time to time. He looked at the ground and I followed his gaze. There was an arrow inset into to pavement. It pointed across the road. I looked and there on the wall opposite was another arrow pointing right. I watched as the pilgrim followed the arrows until he was out of sight. I decided what to do there and then.
I told everyone that before I agreed to stand for election I would make the pilgrimage to Santiago. To a man they said they thought I was crazy. But I set out.
36 days later I sat in the Cathedral of Santiago surrounded by other people I had met on the way. With some I had formed life long bonds. These were my fellow pilgrims. Along the way I had realized that I wouldn’t find the God I had lost in a theatrical tourist attraction carried through the streets of Seville but in the kindness of strangers and the tenderness of new friendships.
I never did stand for election. When I got back everything seemed different and I felt I wanted other things, including walking another Camino. You see I’ve joined another fellowship now. I have no idea who the other members are that I have yet to meet but I know they will be there along the way.
This morning as the drum sounds and the processions start I wish them well. I have to go by a different road.